The fact is that trust is an essential part of a strong relationship, but it doesn’t happen quickly. And once it’s broken, it’s extremely hard to rebuild.
It is normal for most people to think cheating alone is what makes people to lose trust, but I can tell you with all confidence that this is not the case. There are so many other reasons to lose trust in your partner which include a pattern of going back on your word or breaking promises, not being there for your partner in a time of need, withholding, or keeping something back ,lying or manipulation, a pattern of not sharing feelings openly. Each of them create very high possibility of destroying trust over time.
What can you say trust means in a relationship?
Before going over how to rebuild trust, it’s important to understand what trust is, exactly.
To start, it might be helpful to think of trust as a choice that someone has to make. You can’t make someone trust you. You might not choose to trust someone until they show that they’re worthy of it.
Signs of trust in a relationship
Trust can mean different things to different people. In a romantic relationship, trust might mean:
You feel committed to the relationship and to your partner.
You feel safe with your partner and know they’ll respect physical and emotional boundaries.
You know your partner listens when you communicate your needs and feelings.
You don’t feel the need to hide things from your partner.
You and your partner respect each other.
You can be vulnerable together.
You support each other.
It’s also very crucial to know what trust isn’t.
In a relationship, for example, trust doesn’t necessarily mean you tell your partner every single thing that crosses your mind. It’s totally normal to have personal thoughts you keep to yourself.
Trust also doesn’t mean giving each other access to:
bank accounts (unless it’s a shared one)
personal computers
cell phones
social media accounts
You may not mind sharing this information, especially in case of an emergency. But the presence of trust in a relationship generally means you don’t need to check up on your partner. You have faith in them and feel able to talk about any concerns you might have.
Rebuilding trust when you’ve been betrayed
Having someone break your trust can leave you feeling hurt, shocked, and even physically sick. It might prompt you to consider your relationship — and your partner — in a different way.
If you want to attempt to rebuild trust, here are some good starting points, they may not work an immediate magic , but they can help you on the right path
Consider the reason behind the lie or betrayal
When you’ve been lied to, you might not care much about the reasons behind it.
But people do sometimes lie when they simply don’t know what else to do. This doesn’t make their choice right, but it can help to consider how you might have reacted in their position.
Sure, your partner may have betrayed you to protect themselves, but they may have had a different motive. Were they trying to protect you from bad news? Make the best of a bad money situation? Help a family member?
Maybe the betrayal of trust resulted from miscommunication or misunderstanding.
Whatever happened, it’s important to make it clear that what they did wasn’t OK. But knowing the reasons behind their actions may help you decide whether you’re able to begin rebuilding the trust you once shared.
Communicate, communicate, communicate
It might be painful or uncomfortable, but one of the biggest aspects of rebuilding trust after betrayal is talking to you partner about the situation.
Set aside some time to clearly tell them: how you feel about the situation why the betrayal of trust hurt you and its implication what you need from them to start rebuilding trust to make the situation better.
Give them a chance to talk, but pay attention to their sincerity. Do they apologize and seem truly regretful? Or are they defensive and unwilling to own up to their betrayal?
You may feel emotional or upset during this conversation. These feelings are completely valid. If you feel yourself getting too upset to continue communicating in a productive way, take a break and come back to the topic later.
Talking about what happened is just the beginning. It’s perfectly fine, and entirely normal, if you can’t work through everything in just a night or two.
Learn to practise forgiveness
If you want to repair a relationship after a betrayal, forgiveness is key. Not only will you need to forgive your partner, but you also may need to forgive yourself.
Blaming yourself in some way for what happened can keep you stuck in self-doubt. That can hurt the chances of your relationship’s recovery.
Depending on the betrayal, it might be hard to forgive your partner and move forward. But try to remember that forgiving your partner isn’t saying that what they did was OK.
Rather, you’re empowering yourself to come to terms with what happened and leave it in the past. You’re also giving your partner a chance to learn and grow from their mistakes.
Avoid dwelling on the past
Once you’ve fully discussed the betrayal, it’s generally best to put the issue to bed. This means you don’t want to bring it up in future arguments.it will only keep hurting you
You’ll also want to go easy on constantly checking in on your partner to make sure they aren’t lying to you again.
This isn’t always easy, especially at first. You might have a hard time letting go of the betrayal and find it difficult to start trusting your partner, especially if you’re worried about another betrayal.
But when you decide to give the relationship a second chance, you’re also deciding to trust your partner again. Maybe you can’t completely trust them right away, but you’re implying you’ll give trust a chance to regrow.
If you can’t keep thinking about what happened or have misgivings about your partner’s future honesty or faithfulness, couples counseling can help. But these signs could also indicate you may not be ready to work on the relationship.
Nothing hurts more than feeling betrayed by someone you love and trust. Betrayal can come in many forms, such as dishonesty, disloyalty, unfaithfulness, or withholding. Each of these feels like a moral violation that cuts to the core of your emotional soul and plunges you into a place of deep psychological distress. Trust is the glue that holds relationships together. It is what allows you to feel safe so that you can be vulnerable enough to emotionally connect with another person. When relationships first begin, trust is often given early as part of an unspoken code of honor. People we choose to engage with socially are generally assumed to be trustworthy until proven otherwise. Over time, as we get to know someone, that trust grows and deepens. When we break this trust it is not just with the other person, but often with ourselves. You question not only what the other person did, but how you let the betrayal happen. For a relationship to move forward after a betrayal, it is important that trust is re-established, not only with the other person but, perhaps even more importantly, with yourself.
Below are some steps for how to forgive and trust again once you’ve been hurt.
Forgive yourself, forgive the other person, trust yourself and trust the other person
If you can follow these simple rules. Hopefully with commitment and resolution to make things work, Love will find you again. I wish you all the best!