Any spouses, intending couples and even young adults have asked this question over and again: ‘Do you think he/she thinks I am good sexually?
The thoughts of men and women after sex are so important to their partners. Spouses want to know what’s in the minds of their partner and this knowledge goes a long way in framing their overall concept of sex, marriage relationship and attitude towards their life partners and life in general.
Women are always conscious about what the husband they have just made love with is thinking. If you are also dying to know what your man probably thinks after making love to you, you have come to the right place.
The new groom wonders what to tell his bride after having had it done, should he pay compliments about her prowess in bed? Should he enumerate all the pros and cons of her love making style? Should he just lay still and wait for her to get up and clean up? Or he just sleeps off thinking ‘It’s my right, I paid for this; I paid her bride-price!’
A high percentage of first timer men would love to say something, do something, but ego, culture and tradition always holds them bound and speechless. Oddly, few men get it right here, they don’t just get up and clean up or roll to the other side of the bed and snore off, but lay there still, cuddle the lady in their arms and whisper loving and caressing words to her.
This not only helps seal the sexual act: the new bride automatically trusts her man unconditionally. There is nothing more important for a woman than trust in this singular act to prepare her for a stable relationship. It is an assurance that you will be there when she needs you.
It is very important for a woman to know that you are going to be faithful to her emotionally, sexually or physically. With that being there, you will be dealing with less turbulence in the relationship.
As a man you have to be thoughtful and kind; women love men who are kind and considerate. No matter how uncomfortable it will be for you, sitting with her and providing as much comfort as possible when she is, maybe, crying from the pain of sex, drawing close to you for reassurance will make her love you all the more. If you have not realized already, women are unconditional when it comes to nurturing the ones they love. So, it’s only fair to return that to her as it makes her feel respected as well.
Every guy would like to believe that he’s the one to send shivers down his bride’s spine, and that he is just brilliant in bed. So, yes, he would actually be thinking about the bride’s side of the story. He would like to know how she liked it and, of course, you should answer and do not keep quiet and say nothing. He wants to hear ‘you are the best,’ ‘I feel I need more,’ ‘that was excellent.’ This fires him up; the spark from these statements is what fuels a man’s love in the relationship. stop thinking you don’t care when you sleep off immediately after sex.
But this is when the wife wants some strange sexual escapade. Why? She’s no longer afraid or accidental pregnancy or fear of the unknown. She’s relaxed emotionally to make some demands. So she thinks about a loving sexual relationship with her man all things being equal. So when you see your wife always loving to cuddle and get cosy with you, understand her thoughts. Make her feel equal sexually. Women want to feel that they are on the same grounds as their spouse when it comes to having access to sexual demands.
Several surveys have shown that women expect to see a sexy friend in their partner; they fantasize to be with a man who understands their sexual failures and celebrates their successes. When the husband appreciates this, you are making her happy without being asked to. This gesture can be enhanced when husband lends a hand without being asked – making her feel sexy by your attitude.
(To be continued next week)
QUESTION ONE
I have a sensitive tummy that reacts to virtually anything – even to water. I am always seen with my treated bottled water everywhere. But my challenge is my husband: he has an uncircumcised penis and loves a blow job. To my husband it is either blow job or no sexual activities between us. I do not mind giving him any of his sexual fantasies but my tummy sensitivity to the slightest dirt, un-hygienic contact makes me refuse. I gave him the option of either he is circumcise or we take blow job out of the scene but he refuses both saying I am denying him his conjugal love. As a result of this things have not been rosy. Don’t you think I am at risk of infection and that it’s a wise idea if he gets circumcised? My health is more important to me than sex.
ANSWER
It will shock you to know that majority of men aren’t circumcised worldwide. Approximately 30% of males aged 15 and older are circumcised, according to a 2007 report from the World Health Organization (WHO) and UNAIDS. Rates vary greatly depending on religion and nationality, the report states. It is also amazing to know that the penis is a habitat; in fact the skin of the penis is a big home to a diverse community of bacteria. Studies have shown that there are close to 42 unique categories of bacteria inhabiting the skin of the penis. Majorly, the uncircumcised penis has the highest figure. The inner fold of the foreskin is a mucous membrane, like the inside of a person’s eyelids. And certain anaerobic bacteria thrive in that environment more than when the skin is dry. This research could help
After many years into the marriage ironically men and women still wonder what their spouse is thinking after sex. At this point in time husbands mostly just want to relax and sleep off. At this point, to the man: sex is not only therapeutic, it medicinal, relaxing and healthy. Especially when the intercourse is a rigorous one of more than one round or the man manages to do it just to make sure, he satisfies his wife and he’s not labelled impotent. explain why circumcision has been linked to a lower risk of getting HIV. But I think if you cleverly with all shrewdness make him see the health benefits of circumcision he would understand. But if you give him an ultimatum you may lose him to some other women. For instance, circumcised men may be less likely to pass sexually transmitted diseases to their partners or to develop penile cancer. But if he refuses it’s important to keep his penis clean wash the outer side with soap and water push the foreskin back gently it will retract easily and when the foreskin retract, clean under it carefully wash the entire area with soap and water. When the area is cleaned and rinsed, replace the foreskin over the head of the penis.
QUESTION TWO
My husband-to-be confided in me that he has undescended testicles three weeks to our wedding. Family members and friends insist I should call off the wedding; that he’s likely not going to be able to father a child. I am in-between my family’s position and the love we both share. Should I go ahead and we adopt babies as he suggested.
ANSWER
Actually the decision is yours to make since you are an adult. But before you decide I like to make some things clear to you. First, undescended testicle is when one or both testicles of a growing baby do not move into the scrotum during child birth as it should. As a baby boy grows inside his mother, he develops testicles: early in his development, his testicles are in his belly. Normally, before he is born, his testicles move down into his scrotum, the sac that hangs below the penis. About 5 out of 100 baby boys are born with an undescended testicle. It is most common in babies who were born before their due date or who were very small at birth. Doctors don’t really know what causes an undescended testicle. This common condition sometimes runs in some families (can be inherited).
Most of the time, the testicle descends (drops) on its own by the time the baby is three months old. An undescended testicle doesn’t cause pain or other symptoms. The scrotum may look a little smoother or less developed on one side, or the side without a testicle may look smaller and flatter.
You can’t feel the testicle in the scrotum on the side where it hasn’t descended. I think the mistake of the guy in question is that he should have told you about his medical condition much more earlier than when you guys have made public your intention to get married to the extent of making the wedding day known.
After sex men like to lie in the darkest night and contemplate, not exactly about his wife but about all other life issues. At this stage, the mind is now clear and the issues at hand are better handled because sex earlier on has helped cleared his mind he can think better, reason clearly and act productively.
At this stage I always advice men put their wives in the picture. When she is aware that sexual activities with her can help your productivity she will perform better and will This might be as a result of fear of rejection. Since he suggested adoption I think it is not a bad idea if you consider his proposal. But if your family members and friend oppose the wedding I also think you can hold on a little for proper understanding and acceptance of him by your family. Over 80% of marriages opposed by in-laws most times do not flourish or succeed.
QUESTION THREE
I am 25 and a single mother to two boys age 9 and 11. I lost my husband three years ago. My concern is about my two boys: they are behaving quite strange lately. Two weeks ago one of them insisted he was not going to school because he sometimes experience ‘hard-ons’ at the wrong place at the wrong time – causing other boys laugh him. Yesterday, on our way from Shoprite, I could see his penis getting swollen and stiffing and he was frantically covering it up while experiencing some pain and there was nothing I could do about it. Sometimes when they both wake up in the morning, their penises are hard and bulky. What can I do? The other chap is so withdrawn will lock himself up in his room anytime he has the opportunity to be alone. I suggested seeing a medical doctor but they refuse.
ANSWER
You are not alone: most parents have found themselves in this situation and most teenagers and young adult experience such awkward moments. The hard-ons he experienced is called early erections and these are a normal part of growing up. When guys go through puberty, their bodies go through many changes. Their voices begin to change, and facial hair, underarm hair, and pubic hair starts to grow. This is all normal! Also, their penis, testes, and scrotal sacks will increase in size. This could really be an awkward time for both parents and child. These physical changes are coupled with hormonal changes. During puberty, many guys begin to experience frequent sexual desire. This could lead to a difficult time in the controlling erections. Often, the erection happens at inappropriate times – on the way home from school, or at the football field, or at the breakfast table. It is perfectly normal for all guys of their age to wake up with an erection. Even during childhood, most guys will experience erections during REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. REM sleep refers to an “active” sleep state, in which the heart rate increases, the brain is active, and we have dreams. Also during REM sleep, hormones are released and their penis is stimulated by these hormones. Nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT) is the fancy medical name for it. Guys may have several erections during the REM sleep cycle. The best thing to do is reassure them and tell them, that they are better off waiting until the erection is gone before heading leaving the room in the morning. They can try relaxing and thinking about something nonsexual, like a sporting event. Or better yet, do a dance competition. Erections typically go away with enough wilful distractions. As they get older, they will be able to control erections better. If he wears boxer shorts and has frequently-occurring erections, let him consider wearing briefs or boxer-brief underwear. These tend to be tighter fitting and could help hide his erection from public view.
At worst, he should just stay seated and remain calm until the erection goes away. If he is with others tell him to un-tuck his shirt. Or use his textbook to shield it.
QUESTION FOUR
I have noticed that the only times my wife usually asks for sex is when she is close to her cycle or when she is menstruating. I don’t like sex during menstruation but most times that seem to be the only available time.
ANSWER
Women experience more sexual fantasies during the fertile times of the month and these are the periods when they are either ovulating or shortly after ovulation, sometimes close to their menstruation time. In addition, women get more aroused in the fantasies compared to men.